Wearing the Mask

I keep waiting to be caught out. Waiting for people to realise that they've got the wrong person, that they've been praising the wrong person for being a good teacher. They've been mistakenly friends with me for a long time and have realised they don't actually like me. That they'll unfollow my twitter account because they've realised that i'm not actually that interesting. 
I'm sitting in a cafe. I'm supposed to be writing school reports and i looked down and myself and realised a couple of things. I was wearing Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers (burgendy), a threadless T-shirt (the Guardian Samuri of Beauty), a cardi, sipping a latte while i tweeted and worked on my reports on my laptop with the Harry potter decal on it. The first thought was 'huh, that's a little hipster of me' then 'wouldn't your country town-confinded, awkward dumpy 16 year old self be impressed. It's what she always wanted. To be one of those cool 20-somethings you saw when you were out and about town, or on TV' 
Then it made me pause, the sinking feeling hitting me... Am i really that person? I can't be, i can't be cool. I never was cool. I read books, i was in the Choir or did musical theatre. I didn't drink. I wanted to do well at school and then at uni. P's might get me my degree but they weren't good enough for me... I needed D's at least. I can't be cool...

But people keeping telling me i might be. Older students tell me they want my life. Cute flat, good job, nights out with friends where we drink cocktails and get flirted with by guys. People on twitter tell me nice things about the things i write, or that i look good in the clothes i buy. I have success in the classroom. People in positions higher than mine listen to my opinion and value my input. I'm considered for positions without having to apply for them...

There's just a part of me that waits. Waits for this all to collapse on me. That there can be no way that this is my life. That it all seems just a bit too good to be true.