With a nice bit of symmetry, i had dinner last night with a group of friends that i had dinner with a year ago to the day. It was interesting to think about what has (and hasn’t) changed for us over the course of the year. We were joined by a couple who are getting married in May, The three girls who were single are still single, but it was the difference between my friend Lyrissa and me that got caught in my head. A year ago i was in the glowing 6 month stage of my relationship. I had in fact just told him i loved him for the first time and i was beginning to see my future with him. And it was great.
Now she’s in that exact same situation as i was and i’m single and lonely and lost.
But the more interesting part of the way that she is approaching her future with her new guy and how different it is from the future i want for me. They’ve been together for 4 months and have a two year plan. They’ll move in together next year and then buy a house “further out” and get married the year after that. Now put aside my current skepticism for any relationship ever working, that’s not the future i want for me, and i’m ok with that.
Even when i was in a couple my 5 year plan looked really different. I wanted to live with him, yes, but it’d be in my current suburb, and then we were going to travel and live overseas, and then we’d maybe get engaged, and then come back to the suburb that i live now (coz i love it here), and then maybe marriage and kids after i’d done all that.
And I’m beginning to feel like a bit of a freak for not wanting to live in a housing estate in Cranbourne with my husband and preparing myself for the inevitable children we’re supposed to have. It’s just not the life i want.
Yes i want to meet someone. Yes, i loved being in a relationship with my ex and thought that we’d end up together, but i never thought that my life would take the engaged-house in outer suburbs-marriage-kids plan, and it continues to surprise me that so many of my friends are going to do that, and to a certain degree, it surprises me that i don’t want that. I like kids, i think i want kids, and i don’t think i’m “career focussed” as much as some people say i am, i think i might just be a bit selfish. I think i like my life and my situation (minus the heartbreak) that I'm not willing to compromise that. When i was single before and other single friends bemoaned being alone and “running out of time” (which, actually, Lyrissa said last night when she was talking about her 3 year plan, that she was “out” when it came to men, and that this was it because she was “done”) i never really thought that too much and those moments i thought i was out of time i just made the decision to do things differently.
If recent experiences have taught me anything it’s that it’s a waste of time to rely on someone else to make you happy and fulfill your life because there’s no certainty that they’ll always be around. There is a certainty that I will always be with me, so i should be the one to make me happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment