Where do i draw the line?

I've been watching 'Go Back to Where You Came From' on SBS the last two nights. Having taught in the most "multiculturally diverse" shire in the country, the stories of refugees aren't new to me, and having grown up in country Victoria neither are bigotry, racism and ignorance. Doesn't stop me shouting at the TV though. 
What is interesting is the statement that has come from a good portion of twitter is that fighting this "comes from education." 
As an "educator" this is a cry i hear often. And by often i mean at least once a week. Once a week at least i hear of something else i should be including in my curriculum. Add to that the fact that at least once a term i hear the cry that kids these days aren't as educated as they should be and we need to get back to the basics of Literacy and Numeracy for kids to be better people. 
I was so curious about this 'phenomenon' that last year for a term i kept track of the things the media decided to tell me that i needed to be teaching more of in schools:

• Drugs
• sex education
• Driver Education
• literacy and numeracy
• bullying
• cyberbullying
• Global warming/not global warming
• discipline
• values
•  religion/culture
• multiculturalism
• tolerance/acceptance
• history of Australia
• geography
• healthy eating
• LOTE (language other than English)

Just in one term. 

On top of that is the cry that in general the curriculum is just too cluttered and we're doing too much. But cut something out and we're doing the wrong thing by our kids... (The only solution is make the kids spend more time at school and then we hear that we're putting too much pressure on them and they need time to 'just be kids')
No win. 

What caused me to sit and think about what we teach and why we teach it was the string of conversations I've had with students over the last couple of days. They weren't what would traditionally be seen as teaching settings. They were lunch time chats, or chats with small groups of kids about a topic at the end of class or even for the whole class but completely off topic and even remotely removed from the subject. 
I sat down with kids today to help them with Ratio's and Proportion in Maths today and the innocent question of "Miss, what's masturbation? I've heard the word lots of times and don't know what it is" spun into a completely worthwhile discussion about sexuality, consent, contraception, periods, STI's, homosexuality and genetics, with a smidge of vocab in there too. That group of girls now know more about condoms and sexual health than proportions but which is probably going to be more important?
Yesterday the conversation was about bullying and racism. About ethnicity and what makes someone "Australian." For second generation Vietnamese, or kids that struggle to declare who they are because one parent is Viet and one is white (and they speak English at home, and she's never had Pho and constantly told that she's 'half') the conversations we had yesterday were useful, productive and probably a damn more helpful than learning about finding the what number goes into both 27 and 21. 


But they're not really in the curriculum. Or there's not the space to do it justice. Or there's not the staff to run it in the best way. Or not the staff who feel comfortable with the topics. So should we just ignore the questions? Should I dismiss the questions and get back to the course? Tell them to speak to a parent or to welfare when they've been brave enough to bring it up with me?

Miss, how do girls masturbate? Miss, i don't know who i am, or where i fit. Miss, If a guy says he can't wear a condom, can i say no to having sex with him? Miss, can i ask a guy to get an STI check before i sleep with him? Miss is xxx really gay? I don't understand gay people Miss, why would they choose that? It's gross.

These are not easy questions for a lot of people, but questions that need an honest answer. A real answer and a real discussion. These kids need to be heard, their questions need to be answered and their concerns aired, their thoughts teased out, challenged and discussed. And not all teachers can do that. So i can, but should i? Should i say go talk to your parents? Not all parents can deal with this either. Or want to.


Yeah, parents. Them. What role do they play? Look at the list of things that the media has mentioned that i should be teaching at school and think about how many of them should be taught at home. Or instilled at home. I sometimes get the feeling that I've become responsible for things that i feel should come from the home. Values is the big one. Why should i place my values on my students? I think i have good values, Respect and kindness and tolerance are all good values to have (or so most people would agree) but they should be reinforced at school. They shouldn't be taught. Same with discipline. I can't try and instill respect and tolerance and following instructions if a kid goes home and is told that they don't listen to me because I'm "just another fucking do-gooder woman who doesn't know shit" (true quote by a parent to me). Or even the more basic "Science [or maths, or music or art] isn't useful, don't worry about listening or doing well in that class" If a kid hears this every day, how am i supposed to make any difference?
Same applies to racism, homophobia or other intolerances. I can work as hard as i like, develop as many programs to run in my classes, if they're being told the opposite at home, it's not going to make a difference. 
What's maybe worse is the parents that don't care. That don't engage their kids, who don't talk to their kids. Or who do damage by telling them they're useless/fat/ugly/stupid. There's only so much educating i can do before they go home and it's all undone. There's only so much i can teach kids about not bullying each other but if they see it at home, how am i really going to change anything?



So when people cry for Education to change things i want them to stop and think about who we should be educating, and how they want me to change things. 
I'm doing my best.

Wearing the Mask

I keep waiting to be caught out. Waiting for people to realise that they've got the wrong person, that they've been praising the wrong person for being a good teacher. They've been mistakenly friends with me for a long time and have realised they don't actually like me. That they'll unfollow my twitter account because they've realised that i'm not actually that interesting. 
I'm sitting in a cafe. I'm supposed to be writing school reports and i looked down and myself and realised a couple of things. I was wearing Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers (burgendy), a threadless T-shirt (the Guardian Samuri of Beauty), a cardi, sipping a latte while i tweeted and worked on my reports on my laptop with the Harry potter decal on it. The first thought was 'huh, that's a little hipster of me' then 'wouldn't your country town-confinded, awkward dumpy 16 year old self be impressed. It's what she always wanted. To be one of those cool 20-somethings you saw when you were out and about town, or on TV' 
Then it made me pause, the sinking feeling hitting me... Am i really that person? I can't be, i can't be cool. I never was cool. I read books, i was in the Choir or did musical theatre. I didn't drink. I wanted to do well at school and then at uni. P's might get me my degree but they weren't good enough for me... I needed D's at least. I can't be cool...

But people keeping telling me i might be. Older students tell me they want my life. Cute flat, good job, nights out with friends where we drink cocktails and get flirted with by guys. People on twitter tell me nice things about the things i write, or that i look good in the clothes i buy. I have success in the classroom. People in positions higher than mine listen to my opinion and value my input. I'm considered for positions without having to apply for them...

There's just a part of me that waits. Waits for this all to collapse on me. That there can be no way that this is my life. That it all seems just a bit too good to be true.

Got my shit together

I have my shit together. I have for about 4 years now. It's nice. I work in a job that i love, with people that i like and students who make me proud to know them. It challenges me, it makes me grow. 

I have been living out of home for years. I pay all my own bills, i manage my money, i can save what i feel to be a nice amount each pay. I donate to charity. 

I don't have a boyfriend. 

But you know what is vaguely worrying about that? I kinda really like my life at the moment without one. I like the selfish way i can operate at the moment. Sleep till 11 if i want. Lay in the middle of the bed. Not have to shave my legs if i don't want to. Not have to cook if i don't want to. Answerable to no one. 

This doesn't bode well if i ever want to become coupled up. What if there comes a point in your life that you get too used to having your own way? Isn't that one of the reasons "experts" say that we get married later? Us "Gen Y" are too selfish? Too used to having things our own way? 

I like to think that if the right guy came along that this would all disappear. That the notion that it was me sacrificing something (my life right now) wouldn't even be a sacrifice. That it would just be having the right person in my life. But then i wonder if that's putting too much pressure on the other person, or too much pressure on future relationships. Too many theortetical check-boxes that they have to meet for them to be allowed entry into my life. I know what i don't want. I have that sorted out. I don't want drama. I don't want it to be work from the moment that we get together. I don't want dishonesty. 

Too many checkboxes. Better off alone. #foreveralone 

(Actually, thinking about reclaiming #foreveralone with a ! Celebrating the good single stuff. eg: 'Sleeping in the middle of the bed! #ForeverAlone!' or 'Got to eat all of the chill beef dumplings #ForeverAlone!' Good right? #Imasadguy)

@superhotmel

Dear Twitter [a love letter]

Several things happened this week. Interesting, interrelated things that give me pause.

Significantly, this week it was one year since i found out that my (now ex) had been having another relationship the whole time we were together. It was a shock. I thought we were solid, i thought it was it. A year later i can look back and see the cracks, see the things i overlooked or told myself that were unimportant.

But this is not to dwell. This is to rejoice, to thank and to gush just a little bit.

Because a year ago today when i came home and found a facebook inbox from a stranger changing my world around me i found myself unable to contact any of my friends. Sobbing on the couch i was utterly alone. So i told twitter. And they were, and still are, amazing.

Reassuring, kindhearted, supportive people who are real and caring and involved.

It’s why i get fired up when people say that Twitter is just celebrities publicists and people talking about what they had for breakfast. Because if that’s all your twitter stream is then you’re doing it wrong.

In the hours after i found out and i felt everything spiraling away i had three strangers DM me to give me their mobile numbers if i needed to talk to someone, and no less than 10 guys threaten to take a cricket bat to my ex’s head (and a number of ladies, actually).

And it didn’t stop there. It has been a tough year. Shit happened, and then it kept happening. I had dark moments and happy moments. But i knew that if i got on twitter and told them that i hated myself and felt like no one loved me and no one would love me, they would be there. Advice, comfort, inappropriate offers to grab my boobs. You name it, they were there.

Just a month ago i found myself laying in the dark at 1am crying, sobbing, with crashing thoughts that i was hideous and worthless and useless. I wrote something, not to anyone, not asking for help, just to get it out of my head, but there it came, out of the dark. Conversation. with real people with real emotions. Not a spambot, or a celebrity publicist, but people who had been through it, who felt the same, who told me that i was worth it, that they would miss me. Who talked to me for over an hour until i felt almost better. So don’t you dare tell me that Twitter is stupid, that it’s boring, that it’s useless

But what if you’re not a depressed person with self-esteem issues, why have twitter then? If i can give you one reason, let it be this: i’m a better person for having it. Better teacher, better informed, better read. More accepting, more tolerant, more aware.

Twitter gives me links and opinions that i wouldn’t have even thought existed. Politics. Feminism, Sexuality, Education Practices: all things twitter has enriched my life with. I think more deeply now, i see with a better eye because i share more photo’s than i would. I read more widely, both through links that people posted and sites that I came across through things mentioned in passing. I think beyond the little White-middleclass-female-teacher bubble that i had found myself. And it’s amazing. I look at things and think about the gender implications, or political, or body acceptance. I watch more news, i read more opinions. I might disagree with things, but i’m now more informed that at least i have an opinion, instead of being ignorant.

But even after that, after the support and information and experience, it’s still the people i come back for. That make the occasional frustration at the overreactions and exaggeration that my timeline can seemingly fill with.

I come back for people like @TomTheCub who is the most lovely human you can ever meet. Kind and sweet and the person responsible for my interest in trains and transport (and on that last point, @FlangeSquealer too. And also coz he’s FABULOUS).

Or i come back for the teachers inspiring me to keep going and to be better: @OK_Steph, @mikestuchbery @prestontowers @lhjh70     @velvetblaq (and teacher lover @PanickedAttack)

I come back for the interesting and very human people who probably don’t realise how much i really like and appreciate them:  @Oz_f, @tatterededges @emlypie @straffo  @cicolini @CAricHanley  @LaceySnr @miss_om @ZenPsycho @AdamJM (this list could go forever)

On top of those are the people who have no idea that i exist, but who inform me. (they don’t get @’s though as the list would go for even more ever than the last).

THESE are the reasons to be on Twitter. These are the reasons i love it, and even if my timeline wiggs out and has a little bit of an overreaction to something, or gets faux outraged over something and i want to take the hive mind out and shake it, i stop and remember that it’s allowed me to meet people who are amazing. people who educate and inform, who have opinions and ideas and do something about them. People who i think i might love, or could love.

People who care. That hit home a year ago, and hit home again this week.

So, Twitter and the beautiful people that exist within its crazy world. I thank you. Deeply.

On school chaplains

I’ve red a lot of anger in the last week or so about the school chaplaincy program, and I feel I need to wade into this debate with a different (maybe more experienced, maybe more biased) opinion. 

A few facts about me to start:
1. I teach in a government school in Victoria that has a school chaplain (and a nurse, and a whole team of welfare people).
2. I was raised Anglican but am not religious at all any more (although my mother still teaches RE in primary schools).
3. My cousin is also a chaplain in the Victorian government school that I attended as a kid (one of Bill Shortens “bush fire chaplains” actually) 

I think my perspective on this is a really different one to most people (or at least most Twitter people). What caused me to write this now, after all the anger this week, was this tweet “what if a gay student is depressed and the advice is “get cured by Jesus”” as well as a woman on what I think was the 7pm project, saying that “anyone can get kids to talk they need trained individuals to guide them, not chaplains”. I think these two things quite concisely summarise the oppositions to chaplains. That they are forcing god onto students and denying them access to trained counsellors. 

No. They’re not. Not from my experience anyway. If a depressed gay kid came to any of the chaplains I know it will be because this kid feels comfortable talking to that person and opening up about those things. None of the chaplains I know are going to even mention god. They’re going to listen, they’re going to report it to SWC (student welfare committee) and the school psychologist. They’re going to act in their role as an adult who is not an authoritarian figure and is just going to listen to them. Which for most kids is what they really need. The kids I know that respond most to the school chaplains are the ones that don’t have much of a father figure, who are beaten at home, who have no support network. They need someone to talk to who they feel isn’t going to try and tell them what to do. 

The kids at the schools of the two chaplains I know don’t even know that these people are religiously affiliated. They’re not talking about god. They’re not trying to change or heal the kids though religion, they’re listening, they’re supporting, they’re being someone else a kid can talk to. They’re working with kids at risk to identify problems they might have so they can be referred on to someone with more experience. They’re trained in restorative practices, circle time and restorative justice better than I am and they help run those programs. They get in guest speakers to talk about depression, and suicide and girls problems and boys problems though the greater network of welfare support that schools have. At the moment our school chaplain is getting a program called “One Ocean” up and running to target disengaged and uninterested boys from Tonga, Samoa and Maori New Zealanders, some of my schools new student intake and the mist likely to truant and not complete year 12. It will involve rugby, as well as making links between their culture and their new culture. 2x75 minute sessions over 8 weeks. My question is to people who say their should be trained counsellors instead of chaplains: could a counsellor do that? Would they? Having spent my weekend having counseling training as part of my Masters I know the counsellors I was learning from wouldn’t. They would just “refer them on”. But someone needs to be in school to run the program! (oh, and one of the student leaders in the One Ocean program? He’s been assessed by the psychologist, he’s seeing a counsellor but mainly, he has a shit home life and wants to talk to someone. And he seeks out our chaplain) 

Should schools have the choice to employ a Youth Worker instead of a chaplain? Yes, I think this is the best way to change the program, as the chaplains I know have also done training and qualifications in Youth Work. But I’ll also say this that I several of my fellow Masters students were Youth Workers and their qualifications are in teaching like mine. And they’re working with really disaffected youth. 

But I just think that people are hearing “god” “ministries” and “chaplains” and are reacting without first finding out the roles that these people play within a greater school community. Because, honestly, a whole lot more preaching about god comes from super religious teachers than it does from the chaplains

Performance Based Pay and NAPLAN

Last night I sat down and watched Waiting for Superman a documentary looking at the state of US public education and the effect of what they termed ‘drop out factories’ on the system. Then this morning I read this about how we don’t blame soldiers for losing a war, we arm them with better weapons and training (they bring up the impending boomer-mass retirement that we’ve been threatened with too. I’m yet to see it. All it’s done here is create what seems to be a mass of trained teachers who can’t find work).

It seems oddly fitting now to have Ms Gillard announce a new “performance based pay”  scheme just after I’ve been reading and watching about the very same things. I’ve been teaching for 4 and a bit years now, and I feel like I’m one of the few teachers who support financial incentives for good teachers. I do. Shocking I know. The biggest issue I have with the whole concept, however, is the same issues I had with Waiting for Superman. It made the overly simplistic solution at the end of the film that to create better schools is that teachers need to be better (and should be rewarded for being better), and how do we measure how awesome a teacher is? Why, standardised tests of course.

Proficiency in reading, proficiency in maths and proficiency in Science measured against some decided average or benchmark, tested every second year. That’s how we judge a good teacher and a good school. WfS decided that the Charter schools were the best they had as they had the most consistently high or improving results with kids from backgrounds that otherwise not have achieved these results. What are charter schools? Funded by the state, but independently controlled schools that appear to be gearing kids solely towards entrance in to College. Because after all, you can’t get a good job and live the American dream without going to college (have they read any of the higher-education ‘bubble about to burst’ stuff though?). Charter schools push kids to do well on tests.  The tests that will allow them to take the courses they need to get into a good college that will give them the best scores on the standardised tests. They have longer hours and from the look of it, more emphasis on testing and being successful at these tests.

And then there’s NAPLAN (National Assessment Program - Literacy and Numeracy) that we have. NAPLAN are carried out every 2 years at grades 3, 5, 7 and 9. The kids sit them in May and teachers get the results in October, if you’re lucky and the school tells you about them, or lets you access a copy of the results (and more helpfully gives you some kind of training into reading the immense number of graphs and box-and-whiskers that you can access).  I taught year 7 maths for 4 years, and NAPLAN usually falls at the start of term 2. That’s right, I’ve had the kids for 9 weeks after they’ve come from primary school. Usually they’ve already been tested with a number of other tests (On Demand, the electronic, adaptable tests as well as a number of written tests). We’ve covered a bit of Number and have spent time figuring out learning styles and classroom management. Then you spend a couple of weeks preparing for NAPLAN if the term isn’t too interrupted. And this test is going to form some kind of basis for something? How can it assess my teaching skills if I haven’t had the kid for more than a term? How can it help me identify a kid at risk if I don’t get the results til 6 months later? But that is going to form at least part of the ‘performance based pay’ bonuses that are going to be introduced.

I don’t know if they are going to emphasise improvement from one NAPLAN to the next or just compare it with the national or state averages. Either way I disagree with its use in those ways.  It can’t really be used to assess the kid’s progress in the school because we all know that in individual teacher has a massive impact. I could be a great teacher in Year 7, give them lots of individual attention and they make massive steps from after NAPLAN to the end of year 7, but then go on to have a teacher they don’t get on with in Year 8 and go ‘backwards’ by the time they get to NAPLAN year 9? And how many kids take a test that they do every second year seriously? They know they won’t see the results for months and don’t see any established links to the content being covered in class at the moment. If we’re comparing with averages it again makes it unfair for teachers in schools that have high-ESL or NESB as they’re coming in below the state average. Who cares if I taught Cindy her times tables in one term and gave her the mathematical confidence that she can now approach algebra and measurement with confidence after coming into the class at the start of the year with a complete distaste for the subject. She didn’t make progress on a standardised test, I’m obviously not worth anything.  

A teachers worth is measured by more than just one cohorts performance on a couple of standardised tests.  A schools culture is more than a series of numbers and shaded boxes on a website. Sticking my head into a Chinese class next door to have a kid tell me that I’m the coolest teacher at the school. Having kids come up to me in the yard to tell me that they miss my classes. Receiving letters from past students telling me that they were glad that they took my senior class because I exposed them to more than just the Study Design. That I helped shape their career path. That I’m the only one they feel comfortable talking to. That I’m the only adult in their lives to ever tell them that they are good at something, that they can be something, that they matter. These are the reasons I teach (and maybe why i should be rewarded). None of which can be measured by a standardised test.

It's my life (from June 2010)

With a nice bit of symmetry, i had dinner last night with a group of friends that i had dinner with a year ago to the day.  It was interesting to think about what has (and hasn’t) changed for us over the course of the year.  We were joined by a couple who are getting married in May, The three girls who were single are still single, but it was the difference between my friend Lyrissa and me that got caught in my head.  A year ago i was in the glowing 6 month stage of my relationship.  I had in fact just told him i loved him for the first time and i was beginning to see my future with him.  And it was great. 
Now she’s in that exact same situation as i was and i’m single and lonely and lost. 
But the more interesting part of the way that she is approaching her future with her new guy and how different it is from the future i want for me.  They’ve been together for 4 months and have a two year plan.  They’ll move in together next year and then buy a house “further out” and get married the year after that.  Now put aside my current skepticism for any relationship ever working, that’s not the future i want for me, and i’m ok with that. 
Even when i was in a couple my 5 year plan looked really different.  I wanted to live with him, yes, but it’d be in my current suburb, and then we were going to travel and live overseas, and then we’d maybe get engaged, and then come back to the suburb that i live now (coz i love it here), and then maybe marriage and kids after i’d done all that. 
And I’m beginning to feel like a bit of a freak for not wanting to live in a housing estate in Cranbourne with my husband and preparing myself for the inevitable children we’re supposed to have.  It’s just not the life i want.
Yes i want to meet someone.  Yes, i loved being in a relationship with my ex and thought that we’d end up together, but i never thought that my life would take the engaged-house in outer suburbs-marriage-kids plan, and it continues to surprise me that so many of my friends are going to do that, and to a certain degree, it surprises me that i don’t want that.  I like kids, i think i want kids, and i don’t think i’m “career focussed” as much as some people say i am, i think i might just be a bit selfish.  I think i like my life and my situation (minus the heartbreak) that I'm not willing to compromise that.  When i was single before and other single friends bemoaned being alone and “running out of time” (which, actually, Lyrissa said last night when she was talking about her 3 year plan, that she was “out” when it came to men, and that this was it because she was “done”) i never really thought that too much and those moments i thought i was out of time i just made the decision to do things differently. 
If recent experiences have taught me anything it’s that it’s a waste of time to rely on someone else to make you happy and fulfill your life because there’s no certainty that they’ll always be around.  There is a certainty that I will always be with me, so i should be the one to make me happy.

30 things about me

1. I’m short.  really short.  5”1’or 156. (158 in shoes!).  and even after that i hate wearing heels.

2. I’m one of six kids (3 boys, 3 girls), number 4, youngest girl.  There’s 13 years difference between the oldest and the youngest in the family, 10 years between the oldest and me. My two older sisters had moved out so i really grew up with my three brothers more than my sisters. (and no, they’re not Catholic, and yes they had TV)

3. For the first four years of Primary School there was only one other girl in my grade. I went to Taggerty Primary School. It was(is) tiny, i think the maximum student number they ever had was 41 when i was there. Kelly joined in grade 4, Shannon in grade six, so the Graduating Class of 1996 had 4 kids in it in the end

4. My first boyfriend was Ben T. He was popular. Had a rat-tail. I had no friends and thought he was so cool.  A month of hanging out with him and his friends taught me that no friends was better than boring, self-involved friends. So i dumped him and he cried.

5. I grew up in the country. Taggerty to be precise.  It’s near Marysville.  Two years ago i’d tell people where i’m from and no one would have a clue. Now, everyone does and you get the sympathy nod. Luckily, my parents came out of Black Saturday with no (structural) damage. They own a Bakery in Marysville and it was one of the few buildings left untouched. It just skipped over it and burnt everything around it. The fires came within about 300m of my parent house. It’s still weird to go back there. The landscape isn’t like the one i spent 18 years in. It’s scarred and it’s unnerving.

6. I haven’t lived at home since i was 18. Had to move for Uni and never went back.

7. I have two degrees (Bachelor of Science (Biology and Zoology), Bachelor of Education) and am starting my Masters of Education at ACU this year.

8. I’ve only slept with 3 people and didn’t lose my virginity til i was 23. Maybe it’s my christian upbringing, maybe it’s just me, but i don’t really want to sleep with people that i don’t have a more serious relationship (or the potential to have a serious relationship) with. It was easier to have this standpoint when i hadn’t had sex, mind you.

9. I lived on campus in a dorm for the first 3 years of uni. I loved it in the end. I had terrible homesickness when i was in 1st year, but i got over that and made some amazing friends and had a really different university experience to people who don’t live on campus. I recommend it.

10. I made 3 life decisions (note these were decisions not goals) when i was 16: a) i would go to Monash b) i would study Science/Education. c) i would teach in public schools. Having a clear-cut plan helped me and i did (am doing) all of those things)

11. I’ve just finished my fourth year of teaching. All at the same school.  All teaching the same subjects (i know, not very Gen Y of me).

12. I’m not very Gen Y. I’ve lived out of home for 8 years, supported myself the whole time, saved for my own overseas trips, worked a job in the public sector without ever feeling i should change for more money. I’m more concerned with helping people and making a difference than money and time off.

13. I love my job.  I love teaching things to kids and seeing them get it. I love getting kids interested in a subject that they had previously dismissed as boring. The best moments i’ve had have been when kids tell me how passionate i am about it, and they can tell that i really enjoy what i’m doing. That’s the point.

14. 2010 was a crap year. My grandmother died and i found out the guy i had been seeing had another girlfriend who he had been with the whole time we’d been together. I was shattered. Still am a bit.

15. I’ve been overseas 3 times. New Zealand, American (east coast - gilmore girls inspired trip), and Europe. There’s still so much i want to see.  Scandinavia is next. then Canada

16. I’m a homebody. I prefer to sit at home and watch DVDs than go out to bars and clubs. Other people are welcome to join me in the DVD watching. Just bring beer.

17. I went through a Christian phase right about the same time that most people go through a drinking and rebelling phase.  I went to the massive concert/services at Rod Laver but i never really believed it too much (friends were more into than me). I just enjoyed dancing and spending time with my friends out of our country town.

18. I still buy CD’s. I like physically being able to hold stuff.  it’s a quirk

19. My favourite body feature is my smile, the worst is my thighs

20. I’m flexible. I can lie on my stomach and get my feet to touch my head, i can reach 27cm passed my toes, i can hold hands and rotate my arms so that they’re parallel to the ground behind me (who knows about my rotator cuffs)

22. I’m an overthinker (might be linked to 21). I spend vast amounts of time imagining every scenario so that i’m prepared for what ever happens.  Also spend time thinking about what other people are thinking about so i can best prepare myself. This is particularly prominent when dealing with guys.

23. I never want to move to the outer suburbs just so i can afford to own. Does not interest me. I want to be able to walk to the shops, train and my kids (if i ever have them) be able to walk to school. I want a community and a culture in where i live. Cranbourne West does not hold this for me. And no, i don’t think this will change if i become a Smug Married.

24. I want to be a Careers Co-ordninator. I love helping kids to find a path and figure out what they’re interested in. That's what my Masters is about.

25. I’m more comfortable writing things than i am saying them. I’ve blogged on an off since 2004 and usually when things are emotionally fraught in my life. I had grand dreams of being a writer for Cosmo for a while, but only in a “gee that’d be nice” kind of way.

26. I love to sing. but am only ok at it. I sing in front of classes all the time. they don’t love it.

27. I think i want to get married and have kids. But am becoming more ok with not if that’s the way it works out. My 18 year old self would be appalled that i have not me the targets she had for me. 26 was the year that my long term boyfriend was supposed to propose after all.

28. I’m often lonely.

29. I’m the black sheep of my family coz i’m, by their definition, a bit nerdy. They’re very much sport-loving “typical” Australians and have never really gotten the nerd slant to my life. The Twitter and social networking, the online gaming, the Sci-Fi/fantasy spin. But by many other peoples standard, i’m a total noob. I’m ok with this too. I’m probably never going to marry the Aussie-sporty guy that they want me to, but they’re lovely and as long as i’m happy and he’s nice i don’t think they’ll mind. My sister is a hippy who married a Nepalese guy, so she’s actually more black sheep-ish than i am, come to think about it.

30. My left foot turns in and my right eye droops (like Paris Hiltons). The eye is more pronounced when i’m tired and in pictures. They were sources of a vast amount of bullying in high school and it amazed me to get to uni and into the work force and realise that i was actually a likeable person and not a total loser as many of my high school peers would have me think. I have to stop and remember that every now and again. You are liked and loved.