Sunday, 13 November 2011

The itch.

Last night at Boy-o's house he was showing me pictures of his travels in a rather wistful way that left no doubt that he missed places he'd been. Funnily enough i had just spent a considerable portion of my day being equally wistful for travel. It's disappointing that work didn't give me the leave that i had wanted, i was looking for 2 weeks on top of the 2 weeks school holidays to spend a month in Germany/Scandinavia and they denied it. (said i could have December. Coz December in Scandinavia is the same as May). 
Looking at the places he has been, which are mostly different to the places i have been, has made me itchy to travel again. I know, i know, i really have just gotten back from Bali, but a week in a private villa getting spa treatments is not the same as wandering the streets of a foreign city, discovering the funky parts of a town, being excited about architecture or the weird quirks of a place. 


I came home this morning and spent some time looking at my travel pictures and wanting to go somewhere, anywhere. Well, not anywhere, Europe again, States again, Canada... 

here

or here


or here

or here

even here
maybe here




 And they're just the places i have been. He was talking about Chicago and i could totally go there, or Vancouver, or San Fran, or Munich, or Toronto, or Seattle. 


So now, at the moment, i'm back to thinking about going away in 2013 for the year. Teach for 6 months in the UK and six months in either Canada or the States. I'd have seen my original lot of year 7's through to graduation, i'd still be young, i have experience, i should have completed my Masters by then, potentially making me more employable... whole year to save... couple of months travel time in the middle of the year when they're all on summer break...  Mum could come and meet me somewhere and we'd travel then.... 


It all seems like a good plan, right?







Thursday, 27 October 2011

Flexible

At the start of this semester we moved into our brand new flexible learning spaces. Not part of the BER, but funded by the state government as part of a regeneration project, these spaces, or villages, are purpose built to facilitate more inquiry based learning with flexible delivery options. In non-education jargon, we're stepping away from the teacher being seen as the one with all the knowledge ready to give to kids who know nothing, and don't have the access to the information. This is not your traditional classroom. It is not (usually) about standing up the front lecturing. This is not about copying notes down from a book. Yep, skill and drill is sometimes necessary, i think particularly with maths, but there are times and subjects where things need to be different. I went and saw QI live last night, and in the opening monologue Stephen Fry spoke about the availablity of knowledge. He expressed frustration at people exclaiming they didn't learn whatever at school, pointing out that learning didn't stop the moment you stopped being in a classroom. The thing that stuck with me was this:

"People complaining about not knowing something, not being taught something, is like living in a society where you have to wade through gold coins to get up the street and being approached by a beggar asking for a dollar. Knowledge is everywhere. Stop and pick it up" 

That's what we're aiming to do. Skill kids in a way that they pick up the interesting knowledge, seek out the things they want to seek out, and know where and how to look to get an accurate idea of what is knowledge, what is opinion and what is propaganda. We want to give them the skills to be able to convey this knowledge and understanding to other people. 

While i knew this was possible, or more possible, for Investigate (our inquiry based subject that incorporates English, Science and the Humanities in Project Based Learning) i've always found it more of a challenge in Maths. Yeah, somethings can be project-based, but sometimes it just feels like the kids need to practice something. To be able to apply their understanding to situations they first need to have an understanding. Skill them up. 

But the best thing that has come from the new spaces is the way they're skilling up. It's not coming from me. I walk into our investigate space, mark the roll then the kids divide themselves up. I have four groups of kids in four different spaces. Two bigger groups of about 10 in bigger areas, 2 groups of about three in our planning rooms. I give them all a whiteboard marker and am blown away. Kids who either need constant feedback in class or have zero confidence in their maths ability are teaching the others. And correctly too. Accurately drawn diagrams that are then used to solve the problems. They do it in their own way of speaking and explaining that allows their classmates to 'get it' faster than they probably would have if i was out the front explaining it to 24 kids. 
They take it in turn of writing on the boards, they correct each others mistakes and encourage each other when they get things right. They come out not feeling like a complete idiot for not getting things. 

And it makes me excited for what we do. To keep doing what i'm doing. 

But (coz there always is one) it makes me just as frustrated with the people so quick to dismiss the way we're doing things. The people who bemoan "losing the ability to teach" or it not being academically rigorous enough, or being too different. From the people who are scared to let go of the fact that just because you're not up the front doesn't mean that they're not learning. 
Which skills are going to be more useful? Problem solving as a group, talking and explaining in front of a small cohort of peers, reflecting and correcting work as a group OR sitting quietly and listening for hours on end. (overly simplistic? Maybe). 

I like what we're doing. I see what it does to kids beyond their academic understanding. And it makes me happy to be where i am. 

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Extra

I had a PE extra today. I usually hate getting PE extra's. Mainly because, like getting Food Tech extra's, the kids are disappointed about doing something different than what they were expecting. The group i had today was supposed to be doing Gymnastics, so my options of Netball, Basketball or indoor soccer were surely going to disappoint them...

But it was brilliant. For one, i had the girls from 8D and E, who are by far the nicest girls in Year 8. I have them for Maths and Science anyway, so they know and like me. 
They chose netball and enthusiastically set up the poles, organised themselves into teams and fished out the bibs. 

then i spent the next hour running. I had to umpire and their came was fast, but not whip fast. I've been a bit off the running thing the last week, exhaustion, and well, life got in the way. I run after work (i catch a 7:30 train, there is no way i'm getting up before 6 to fit a run in) and the last week was busy, so i had trouble fitting them in excuses excuses excuses. So it was nice to be active for this one period i had. 
It makes me wish i taught at a fancy school that had it's own gym. Or simply just had a treadmill i could bust out half an hour on before i go home every night. 

The thing i noticed is that dashing up and down the court felt good, not an effort. I was enjoying sprinting up and down, blowing my whistle.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

a couple of days in my brain

If i had to pick a facebook relationship status to have with my brain and my body it would be 'it's complicated'. But even then that's an upgrade from when i was 16. Then i would have been blocking my body and reporting it for harassment.

The past week:
Saturday: 'oh body you're awesome! You fit into smaller clothes! have you seen your calves lately!?!'
Sunday: "i hate you. you're ugly. that coldsore means you can't even kiss The Boy. Fat load of good you are. Your arse is too big for that dress"
Monday: "why aren't you running today? You walked 6km in an hour. like that counts. You need to run. work isn't an excuse"
Tuesday: "Oh that new dress is super cute (and a 12!) and look how cute The Boy thinks you are in it! And you got a Distinction in that assignment. We're not a bad team!"
Wednesday: "Too many calories. cut them down. go running. but don't forget about work. and your Masters."
Thursday: "i'm too tired to care. one thing at a time. one priority at a time. This salad is tasty!"

So tired. But the simple fact is that having two good days is progress from when i was say, 16. I may still have issues, but i have confidence too. And if i could go back to my 16 year old self it would be to try and convince her that she has reasons to be confident too...

Saturday, 15 October 2011

30 "best" songs of the '00's.

So at the start of the year my brother-in-law Brett asked me to complete my top 30 songs released between 2000-2009. He's a man of lists, and regularly updates and reshuffles his top songs of all time and completed his list ages ago. I've found it considerably harder than he did, i think. I started this project back then, and have come back to it several times across the year. I think that being younger than him in that decade has put me at a significant disadvantage . I turned 15 five days into 2000, finished high school in 2002, lived at Halls 2003-2005... These were my formative years, particularly when it came to listening to music. It was here that i found bands that i loved, had several 'firsts' that were soundtracked by potentially dubious tracks. So this list was hard.
So what finally triggered me to sit down and complete it? (besides being home alone on a Saturday night?). Groovejet came on my ipod as i walked home. And i realised i still love that song. And that's all it took. I decided to take a more simple approach to picking my list. Stopped pouring over ARIA charts for the decade and simply thought "what are my favourite songs on my ipod? which of those were released in that decade?" When i thought of it that way it was as simple as sorting my itunes by most played and double checking some release dates. I gave up on the idea of holding on to the nostalgic value of some songs just because i heard them a lot or they backed some significant moments... So here it is. 


Mel's totally incomplete Top 30 Songs 2000-2009


1. Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional. 


I'll say this now, Dashboard are going to appear more than once. I love them. They're my favourite band. This song still makes me sing out loud. And you kissed me like you meant it.... My best gig moment was when Chris laughed at something i shouted out when they were here back in 2006. (pity the video is a bit crap). 



2. Hey Ya! - Outkast.


2nd Year Richo was my favourite year at Richo. First semester especially. It's hard for me to pinpoint a better 6th months stretch of my entire life. Many a night at The Nott or at Dooley's was spent dancing to this song. Many instances of someone yelling 'Shake it like a polariod picture Mel' across the courtyard. It, in it's opening bars, reminds me so acutely of Liz Mohr and Jake Singer-Beilin, by far my favourite and most cherished Americans. Not a single other song makes me want to be 19 and at Halls so much. 




3. Swear It Again - Westlife
Let me repeat, i was 15 when millenium changed! But if you asked me to pick my favourite turn-of-the-millenium Boy Band, it wasn't N*Sync, wasn't BSB or even 5ive. Nope, i was a Westlife girl. I think it was 1999 that there was a breakfast-music show called AMV (all music video). They showed music video's (duh) between 6am and 9am and i really have to thank them. Not only did they introduce me to Westlife, but also to David Gray and Morcheeba's Rome wasn't built in a day. Songs and Bands that certainly weren't being played on Sun FM. This is my favourite Westlife song, and i'm lucky that it scrapes into this list. It was released in November 1999 in the UK but it's official release date for Australia isn't til March 2000... 




4. State of the Union - David Ford.


David got a mention in my Top Covers list. He's amazing. I love him. It was hard picking my favourite song off this album, part of me thinks it's a proper album, songs that are well matched with each other and progress from one to the next. Not an album of singles. But here is the best. Try stopping me from singing and heroin tastes like icecream. (album version is spectacular (and he say's preach on with the message of 'go fuck thy neighbour', go find it, coz i can't on YouTube)






5. Last Night - Motion City Soundtrack
As with Yellowcard and Dashboard, picking my favourite MCS song was incredibly difficult. Do i go with Lets Get Fuck Up And Die which was the first song i heard of theirs and the one that started the infauation or do i go with an album track that i truly cherish? I went with the latter. Last Night is from Even If It Kills Me which would be up there with my favourite albums of all time. You can often find me walking to or from work belting this song out. 


(um. so all the versions on YouTube are shit. So although Last Night Holds the #5 slot, you're getting the Lets Get Fucked Up and Die Video.... )


6. Way Away - Yellowcard.


Another case of 'oh god, Keeper or Way Away?" I don't like the feeling of including multiple entries by the one band in such an already limited list! But i will. I went with Way Away, one of Yellowcard's earlier songs because it's been with me for so long. I ran up and down the stairs of the car parks of Monash to this song when i was angry and angsty. Even now on my runs if i need to push myself for 3:40 i will seek this song out. 




7. Human - The Killers.


Much like Hey Ya! is associated with Liz and Jake, Human is associated with Adam and Ney and those blissful months that felt like an extended summer. An incredibly vivid memory of walking through Moomba on a bright Sunday with Ney explaining to me how this song was titled, and then him belting it out.



8. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World


Does a song sum up teenangst and help to allay it more than The Middle does? Class of 2002, represent. 




9. These Days - Powderfinger. 


Winner of the 2000 Hottest 100 and my favourite Powderfinger song. Bathe in my mainstreamness. 



10. Groovejet (if this ain't love) - Spiller (ft. Sophie Ellis Bextor)


I still love this song. Sign that it belongs in this list... Again thanks to AMV for giving me this song, i dunno if i'd have ever heard it if it wasn't for that. 


And the rest....
11. Bruised - Jack's Mannequin
12. G.I.N.A.S.F.S - Fall Out Boy
13. Ten Days - Missy Higgins
14. London Bombs - Eskimo Joe
15. Chocolate - Snow Patrol
16. Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
17. Rome Wasn't Built In A Day - Morcheeba
18. Crazy in Love - Beyonce
19. Warning Sign - Coldplay
20. This Modern Love - Bloc Party
21. The Other Side - David Gray
22. Push the Button - Sugababes
23. Sew My Name - Josh Pyke
24. The Brilliant Dance - Dashboard Confessional
25. Times Like These - Foo Fighters
26. The Conversation - Motion City Soundtrack
27. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
28. Poker Face - Lady GaGa
29. Let Go - Frou Frou
30. Valerie - Amy Winehouse




Special Mention: Tribute - Tenacious D. That was the class of 2002's song. Every year the year 12 class has to rework a song to be 'their' song to perform at the end of year assembly. Our class had picked Tribute but days before we had to perform it the people who were in charge of writing it had given up. Me being a stickler for traditions knew we had to perform something, and by god it had to be good. So i sat Cameron Scott Perry (the second boy i ever kissed) down and forced him to finish it with me. And it was good. And everyone loved it. 

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

A crier

I'm a crier. It's like the way that my body copes with stress is just to collapse in on itself and dissolve into tears. Housemate came home tonight and commented that i sounded 'a bit low' and i was half way through explaining why before i lost it and started crying. Her rather amusing response was 'well, you haven't had a cry in a while, you were really due for one'

It made me laugh and i realise that it was true as well. I do just get to the point where the only way that i can cope with, well, life, is just to cry. 

Running, i think, has made me feel better. All those happy endorphin's and everything but this week i realise that i can't really change that about me...

But the thing is, it makes me feel so very pathetic. I have always felt like i should be stronger and more resilient about everything. I should be able to breeze through things and have anything that challenges me just, i don't know, bounce off me? 
I don't want to be a robot, but just sometimes, sometimes wish that i just had more strength... 

Or is that not the question, or plea. Should i just be more OK with this as my way of coping? Is it one of those things that I've be "taught" that crying is a sign of weakness.... That me not coping is weak, when possibly it's OK for me occasionally not to cope and have this release. But that's still me not coping, and that's what i have the issue with. I WANT to be able to cope properly, whatever properly is. Without tears, obviously. 


I think i started writing in the first place because i needed that way of coping too. Writing, Running and crying... How productive of me. 

Monday, 19 September 2011

Becoming a runner

As much as my twitter user name tries to tell me differently, i am not SuperHot. I try occasionally, but mostly i'm SuperAverage with a dash of thunder thighs.  Term 2 was pretty shit. I was busy and stressed and i spent far too many nights writing reports and eating Roti bread. On the night before my reports were due i was tired and stressed and really needed a pick me up. What better pick me up than strange men telling me I'm pretty?! To the dating site i go! I picked OKCupid purely because everyone on twitter talked about it... I never intended to meet anyone or go on dates, it really was a superficial decision, i was stressed and that was it... 


But interestingly, i got some nice messages and started to take it more seriously. And then came the kicker of a question (which actually came from Date Boy in an initial conversation):
Besides work, what do you do? 


Oh. God. What do i do? Tweet? Go out to dinner with my friends? waste copious amounts of time online seemingly doing nothing? None of those are acceptable answers to that question, particularly when it was coming from someone who had just told me they run 7km three times a week, play pretty much any instrument and is thinking up taking up Ice Hockey. Knitting and lying around listening to music doesn't really compare, does it? So the thought 'maybe i should be exercising again' snuck into my brain. 


Once it was in there it forced me to take a more critical look at myself. I had put on weight, and if i'm blunt about it, i had gotten to the stage where i was heavier than i had been for quite a while, and definitely the heaviest I've been since I've had a set of scales handy. And while it's not heavy-heavy, it was heavier than i wanted to be. 


So i started C25K again (it's an app. look it up). I'd started it maybe three times and had never gotten beyond the 3rd week which was about 5 minute running intervals. Starting this time hurt, i think my fitness was worse than it had been before. The first run made me feel sick, my body ached and i wanted to cry.
But this time, i kept at it. And today i cracked 4km in less than half an hour. It took me 9 weeks to go from running 1.5 minutes and wanting to die and/or cry to focusing on pace time and getting under certain times. 


But the better thing than the weight loss or the PB's for running is how good i feel. Fitter, stronger, leaner, happier. I get to the end of a run and i can't stop smiling. I feel good for hours afterwards. I like that my body can accomplish things and that it can be strong and fit. The curves are leaner, my arse is firmer and naked i'm on my way to having a "runners body" (or so i'm told). It all just adds up to being a better, happier me. 


It's not always easy. I still put off runs, and when i realised last tuesday that i was so far away from hitting my goal of 5km by the end of this week, i was shattered. I felt like i failed not only myself, but all the people that i'd told that i'd be hitting this goal. Spent three days hating everything and it wasn't until i went out on my next run did i feel better about it. I know i'm slow, but i know i'll get faster. I just have to keep going, keep pushing myself to get the 4km quicker then move on to making the 5km faster. Be happy with the fact that i'm running and getting better at it and not hating it. 




So now, when people ask me what i do out side of work, i can add 'Run three times a week, i'm hoping to do a 5k fun run soon" 
That, from the girl who struggled through the Beep Test at High School, is something that makes me happier than any amount of weight loss.