Why is this a dilemma for me, and many women? Because it's a question of which is going to be less of a risk to my safety.
This time(ish) last year i went on Slut-Walk. Whatever your disagreements with the movement, almost everyone agreed that people shouldn't be raped and should feel safe wherever they go in our great city. And it's a sad thing that as we were walking away from SlutWalk that i turned to my friend and said 'It's nice that i feel empowered, but I'm still apprehensive of getting in a cab alone at night. This walk won't change that.'
And it hasn't. A year later, any time i have to come home alone it still feels like I'm risking something getting in a cab or taking the last tram home alone. And i hate that. I don't want to feel that way. But having been cornered on a tram by a group of guys will make that happen. And being asked constant questions about having a boyfriend and who I'm going home to by a cab driver will make that happen.
Most of the time, I don't even bat an eyelash at this. Not being accosted, but the fact that it might/does happen. Women accept things like this all the time. Accept that these kinds of advances will happen, unwanted, and in a way that will make them uncomfortable. It's the same way that we accept that we will get groped on the arse or tits in certain nightclubs/bars on the dance floor. It just happens, we don't make a fuss because it happens to everyone right? We don't make a fuss because cab drivers make us uncomfortable all the time right? Men hit on us when we're the only ones on the tram and just want to be left alone all the time, right?
But why, why do i have to just accept it? Why do i feel like I'm causing a scene or overreacting if i react to this? Why do people feel they have the right to do this?
Lazing in the park today, my friends and i were talking about Primary School RE classes, and how the message back then was
Be a good person. Be kind to people. Treat others how you want to be treated.
That was it. No messages of hate, no encouragement to take whatever you wanted at the expense of other people. Kindness and empathy.
A couple of weeks ago that same message was what i came up with at dinner as the key to getting on in life, and even being successful, but i condensed it down then to 'Don't be a Dick.' It's short, it's easy to remember. If you're going to do something, simply ask 'Is this a bit Dickish?' If you even waver at an answer, it probably is and maybe you should just not do it.
When did people lose this? Did they ever have it? I know there has been lots of talk about institutions condoning or at least pardoning to a certain extent, the continuation of cultures that ignore sexism (things like ADFA and certain university colleges come to mind) but when did we stop assigning individual responsibility? Is it a cultural thing? Why aren't these people considering what they're doing as Dickish? At what point in ones life do you go from being a kid that's taught to love everything to thinking that grabbing a hot chicks tit on the tram when she's alone at 2am is an appropriate, or even non-threatening piece of behaviour?
Interestingly, I never thought that kind of thing was strange, not even at 18 and fresh from the country did i think 'maybe i shouldn't be groped'. Or that any of this shouldn't happen. Even now, i acknowledge that i should be able to get in a cab or on a tram and feel safe but know that it won't happen. That tomorrow night could be a night where i get off a tram feeling a bit shakey, but man "that's just what happens" it's shitty, but it's not strange.
That shouldn't be just what happens. That should be strange.
