Getting off topic

For the second Xplore (fancy way of saying pastoral care) lesson in a row i've been discussing and exploring (ha ha ha) Cyber bullying and cyber safety with my Year 8's. I have a lovely group of 20 kids who are up for discussion and i'm happy we've finally got the seperate classroom space to be able to run these lessons the way they should be run. This also means that we get horribly off topic, but it a good way. Another Xplore teacher told me he had done this lesson in 30 minutes, i'm going on 150minutes and we're not done yet. 

And that's a good thing.

Yesterday we talked about the good of the internet. They talked about being able to communicate to other people and translate things they never would have been able to before. But also voiced concern about it's addictive nature and how socialising on the internet might not be actual socalising. That it's isolating at the same time because you're in your room talking to people that you think of as friends but can't hug you when you're upset.

These kids are 13. I don't give them enough credit sometimes. I thought the pro's were all going to be about games and free downloads and the cons about sexual predators. They were more insightful than that. (though there was liberal use of the term 'pedo' being thrown around).

I'd picked a video called 'Keeping Safe Online' and it was interesting to use as a springbox. I kept stopping it because i disagreed with the hard and fast rules that the woman was applying to online interaction. There seems to be this thing with cyber safety video's that leads me with the impression that there isn't a single good person on the internet; that they're all after my money or my body. All phishing or sexual predators. 

And that's a little sad for me. Yes, i get that it's safer to be discouraging kids from meeting strangers from the internet, but we should be emphaising the connections kids can make with like minded souls shouldn't we? As a twitter nerd, i've met a number of internet strangers and so far, none of them have been horrible people. They're actually incredibly lovely. Shouldn't we being having sessions about this? or about how to deal with the fall out of what to do if they are a bit unstable? It's like the idea that my students have that rape happens in a dark ally by a stranger. Shouldn't we be educating about the facts? Preparing kids about how to give consent, what consent is and when consent is breached? 

It comes down to my feelings that most people are good people. I like to think that we should be encouraging the niceness not the harm... 

The other interesting thing to come out of this was discussions about privacy on Facebook and as an odd segue the use of the word 'slut' and sexism when it comes to sexuality between the genders (and a small bit about the evolution of swear words. A kid wanted to know why they were chastised for saying 'cunt' and what it meant... that was interesting, none of them knew the literal meaning and we had a discussion about intent of words vs literal interpretations. Again, they're year 8). 

Like so many schools in Melbourne, last term we had a 'gossip' page on facebook spring up. The 'goss' all seemed to be focused around how 'slutty' girls were. The kids kept interjecting with tidbits about girls who had cheated, or had more than one boyfriend with a too short a space of each other. When challenged about why they use slut and why they think picking on a girl for drressing skimpily or having consensual sex with several people was appropriate, or worthy of judgement they were a little stumped. One girl said it was because girls were supposed to be 'nice' and that we had 'higher expecations for girls than guys.' I found that sad. That we hold girls on this pedestal and that we don't have high expexctations for boys. "guys are more horny" "girls are more emotional" "guys have penises that are different and girls are all the same" was an incredibly interesting judgement that i really had no comeback to, beyond questioning how that was linked. Challenging these ideas that kids have is hard, and i'm still figuring out how best to approach them in a class. 

I think the best thing i can take away is that this was healthy, frank discussion with kids. That they were having a say about Facebook and who should have access to it. That they demand the same privacy rights as adults, but need to understand that they need to be held responsible for them. That even if parents do have access to their facebook, and they do bully, who is to say the parents care? 

We're going on with it next week. I want to talk about sexting too. 

Man i love my job. Love it.

Am I Missing Out?

I was at dinner the other day with 5 friends, all female by-the-by, and the conversation turned to living overseas. 3 of the four others had done so in the last two years (Ireland and the UK) and the other had just decided that she was going to do it next year before it "got too late." As they chatted about Visas, temp vs permanent work, travel options while she was there, getting about Europe on trains Vs Buses, i drifted into silence. I had nothing to add. 
I haven't lived Overseas. And on top of that the way i've travelled is not the 'great backerpacker journey' that every young Australian seems to take.
I have seemingly missed that rite of passage. I went to Europe last year, but i did it with my mum and we stayed in hotels. Please don't read into that like i'm a douchey, privileged child who sponged of my mum the whole time. We both scrimped and saved to do it, and i chose to do it with her because all of my life (until she passed away last year) my grandmother always spoke about how she wished she had gone to Paris, and i know my mother had felt the same way. But having 6 kids, starting when your 22, and survining on a bakers income meant that she never had that opportunity. She'd never go alone and since dad had an accident and shattered the bones in his ankle, he would never be able to do the Europe trip she has always wanted to do. So we did it. And it was marvellous. Berlin, Prague, Salzburg, Rome, Paris, Londong, up the east coast of England to Scotland, Across from Edinburgh to Dublin and around Ireland. We had a lovely time. I caught up with many friends and now have a massive list of places i want to go back to and experience more of. 
But it wasn't what they had experienced. It was only a month to start off with, a taster of places. And i was in hotels, with plenty of money and nice places to stay. No stories of bed bugs or dodgy hostels. I have stories of 5m German Buffet breakfasts and French pastries for breakfast in a hotel in Monmarte.  

I didn't intentionally stay in Melbourne to build my career. I've never really thought of myself as "career focused." In teaching, those people bring visions of the people who have goals to be principal in 10 years.  Those annoying Gen Y grads who think they should be in leadership positions immediately and get indignant when they're not. I'm not like that. I'm still not even sure i want any kind of leadership position as i see how they take people out of the classroom and i don't really want to be out of the classroom. I spent quite a bit of time building my skills and understanding in that area, why throw it away to spend all that time dealing with paperwork? But i've stayed at the same job. I was going to earn enough and then go Overseas. I qualify for a UK grandparents Visa, and i have a teaching degree. Living and earning pounds would have been an easy thing to do. My best friend has been in Edinburgh pretty much solidly since 2006, my other best friends in the time since then. I wouldn't have been alone even. But i didn't go. 
Things came up. One boyfriend. Then another. Then kids i wanted to see graduate, or help through Year 12. And now i'm on the verge of turning 27, and have spent the last five years working full time, but am single and there is technically nothing holding me back. 


So why aren't i rushing to go? 
Maybe it's because i've always liked my life here. I love my job, almost every aspect about it. i love the innovative things we're doing and two of the work mates that left and came back still exclaim about how much they have missed by not being here, the planning and implementation of the new programs and the way they should run. 
I love my little flat in my lovely suburb. I've finally found a housemate that doesn't make being at home a chore or somewhere i want to be. At the end of next month all my closest friends will now be back in this state. 
My nephew is one and gorgeous... 


Are these excuses or legitimate reasons for staying? is this something one has to make excuses for not doing? It feels like i should, particularly as i don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband. You don't have one of them and i feel like i have no reason to have not lived overseas. 


Will i think it will be good for me? Yeah, i really do. Mostly. And i have craved the idea of going somewhere where no one knows me and i have no expectations to live up to. It's just me in a brand new, shiny city, waiting for me to make my impression on it. 


At the moment i've semi-settled on the idea of going at the end of 2012/start of 2013, as my first lot of Year 7's will have finished and i should have completed my Masters by then too, which hopefully make me more employable. But i've said stuff like that before, and things change... 


But i still don't know. Am i missing out? Should i feel bad for not going? Is it something i have to make excuses for?

Where do i draw the line?

I've been watching 'Go Back to Where You Came From' on SBS the last two nights. Having taught in the most "multiculturally diverse" shire in the country, the stories of refugees aren't new to me, and having grown up in country Victoria neither are bigotry, racism and ignorance. Doesn't stop me shouting at the TV though. 
What is interesting is the statement that has come from a good portion of twitter is that fighting this "comes from education." 
As an "educator" this is a cry i hear often. And by often i mean at least once a week. Once a week at least i hear of something else i should be including in my curriculum. Add to that the fact that at least once a term i hear the cry that kids these days aren't as educated as they should be and we need to get back to the basics of Literacy and Numeracy for kids to be better people. 
I was so curious about this 'phenomenon' that last year for a term i kept track of the things the media decided to tell me that i needed to be teaching more of in schools:

• Drugs
• sex education
• Driver Education
• literacy and numeracy
• bullying
• cyberbullying
• Global warming/not global warming
• discipline
• values
•  religion/culture
• multiculturalism
• tolerance/acceptance
• history of Australia
• geography
• healthy eating
• LOTE (language other than English)

Just in one term. 

On top of that is the cry that in general the curriculum is just too cluttered and we're doing too much. But cut something out and we're doing the wrong thing by our kids... (The only solution is make the kids spend more time at school and then we hear that we're putting too much pressure on them and they need time to 'just be kids')
No win. 

What caused me to sit and think about what we teach and why we teach it was the string of conversations I've had with students over the last couple of days. They weren't what would traditionally be seen as teaching settings. They were lunch time chats, or chats with small groups of kids about a topic at the end of class or even for the whole class but completely off topic and even remotely removed from the subject. 
I sat down with kids today to help them with Ratio's and Proportion in Maths today and the innocent question of "Miss, what's masturbation? I've heard the word lots of times and don't know what it is" spun into a completely worthwhile discussion about sexuality, consent, contraception, periods, STI's, homosexuality and genetics, with a smidge of vocab in there too. That group of girls now know more about condoms and sexual health than proportions but which is probably going to be more important?
Yesterday the conversation was about bullying and racism. About ethnicity and what makes someone "Australian." For second generation Vietnamese, or kids that struggle to declare who they are because one parent is Viet and one is white (and they speak English at home, and she's never had Pho and constantly told that she's 'half') the conversations we had yesterday were useful, productive and probably a damn more helpful than learning about finding the what number goes into both 27 and 21. 


But they're not really in the curriculum. Or there's not the space to do it justice. Or there's not the staff to run it in the best way. Or not the staff who feel comfortable with the topics. So should we just ignore the questions? Should I dismiss the questions and get back to the course? Tell them to speak to a parent or to welfare when they've been brave enough to bring it up with me?

Miss, how do girls masturbate? Miss, i don't know who i am, or where i fit. Miss, If a guy says he can't wear a condom, can i say no to having sex with him? Miss, can i ask a guy to get an STI check before i sleep with him? Miss is xxx really gay? I don't understand gay people Miss, why would they choose that? It's gross.

These are not easy questions for a lot of people, but questions that need an honest answer. A real answer and a real discussion. These kids need to be heard, their questions need to be answered and their concerns aired, their thoughts teased out, challenged and discussed. And not all teachers can do that. So i can, but should i? Should i say go talk to your parents? Not all parents can deal with this either. Or want to.


Yeah, parents. Them. What role do they play? Look at the list of things that the media has mentioned that i should be teaching at school and think about how many of them should be taught at home. Or instilled at home. I sometimes get the feeling that I've become responsible for things that i feel should come from the home. Values is the big one. Why should i place my values on my students? I think i have good values, Respect and kindness and tolerance are all good values to have (or so most people would agree) but they should be reinforced at school. They shouldn't be taught. Same with discipline. I can't try and instill respect and tolerance and following instructions if a kid goes home and is told that they don't listen to me because I'm "just another fucking do-gooder woman who doesn't know shit" (true quote by a parent to me). Or even the more basic "Science [or maths, or music or art] isn't useful, don't worry about listening or doing well in that class" If a kid hears this every day, how am i supposed to make any difference?
Same applies to racism, homophobia or other intolerances. I can work as hard as i like, develop as many programs to run in my classes, if they're being told the opposite at home, it's not going to make a difference. 
What's maybe worse is the parents that don't care. That don't engage their kids, who don't talk to their kids. Or who do damage by telling them they're useless/fat/ugly/stupid. There's only so much educating i can do before they go home and it's all undone. There's only so much i can teach kids about not bullying each other but if they see it at home, how am i really going to change anything?



So when people cry for Education to change things i want them to stop and think about who we should be educating, and how they want me to change things. 
I'm doing my best.

Wearing the Mask

I keep waiting to be caught out. Waiting for people to realise that they've got the wrong person, that they've been praising the wrong person for being a good teacher. They've been mistakenly friends with me for a long time and have realised they don't actually like me. That they'll unfollow my twitter account because they've realised that i'm not actually that interesting. 
I'm sitting in a cafe. I'm supposed to be writing school reports and i looked down and myself and realised a couple of things. I was wearing Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers (burgendy), a threadless T-shirt (the Guardian Samuri of Beauty), a cardi, sipping a latte while i tweeted and worked on my reports on my laptop with the Harry potter decal on it. The first thought was 'huh, that's a little hipster of me' then 'wouldn't your country town-confinded, awkward dumpy 16 year old self be impressed. It's what she always wanted. To be one of those cool 20-somethings you saw when you were out and about town, or on TV' 
Then it made me pause, the sinking feeling hitting me... Am i really that person? I can't be, i can't be cool. I never was cool. I read books, i was in the Choir or did musical theatre. I didn't drink. I wanted to do well at school and then at uni. P's might get me my degree but they weren't good enough for me... I needed D's at least. I can't be cool...

But people keeping telling me i might be. Older students tell me they want my life. Cute flat, good job, nights out with friends where we drink cocktails and get flirted with by guys. People on twitter tell me nice things about the things i write, or that i look good in the clothes i buy. I have success in the classroom. People in positions higher than mine listen to my opinion and value my input. I'm considered for positions without having to apply for them...

There's just a part of me that waits. Waits for this all to collapse on me. That there can be no way that this is my life. That it all seems just a bit too good to be true.

Got my shit together

I have my shit together. I have for about 4 years now. It's nice. I work in a job that i love, with people that i like and students who make me proud to know them. It challenges me, it makes me grow. 

I have been living out of home for years. I pay all my own bills, i manage my money, i can save what i feel to be a nice amount each pay. I donate to charity. 

I don't have a boyfriend. 

But you know what is vaguely worrying about that? I kinda really like my life at the moment without one. I like the selfish way i can operate at the moment. Sleep till 11 if i want. Lay in the middle of the bed. Not have to shave my legs if i don't want to. Not have to cook if i don't want to. Answerable to no one. 

This doesn't bode well if i ever want to become coupled up. What if there comes a point in your life that you get too used to having your own way? Isn't that one of the reasons "experts" say that we get married later? Us "Gen Y" are too selfish? Too used to having things our own way? 

I like to think that if the right guy came along that this would all disappear. That the notion that it was me sacrificing something (my life right now) wouldn't even be a sacrifice. That it would just be having the right person in my life. But then i wonder if that's putting too much pressure on the other person, or too much pressure on future relationships. Too many theortetical check-boxes that they have to meet for them to be allowed entry into my life. I know what i don't want. I have that sorted out. I don't want drama. I don't want it to be work from the moment that we get together. I don't want dishonesty. 

Too many checkboxes. Better off alone. #foreveralone 

(Actually, thinking about reclaiming #foreveralone with a ! Celebrating the good single stuff. eg: 'Sleeping in the middle of the bed! #ForeverAlone!' or 'Got to eat all of the chill beef dumplings #ForeverAlone!' Good right? #Imasadguy)

@superhotmel

Dear Twitter [a love letter]

Several things happened this week. Interesting, interrelated things that give me pause.

Significantly, this week it was one year since i found out that my (now ex) had been having another relationship the whole time we were together. It was a shock. I thought we were solid, i thought it was it. A year later i can look back and see the cracks, see the things i overlooked or told myself that were unimportant.

But this is not to dwell. This is to rejoice, to thank and to gush just a little bit.

Because a year ago today when i came home and found a facebook inbox from a stranger changing my world around me i found myself unable to contact any of my friends. Sobbing on the couch i was utterly alone. So i told twitter. And they were, and still are, amazing.

Reassuring, kindhearted, supportive people who are real and caring and involved.

It’s why i get fired up when people say that Twitter is just celebrities publicists and people talking about what they had for breakfast. Because if that’s all your twitter stream is then you’re doing it wrong.

In the hours after i found out and i felt everything spiraling away i had three strangers DM me to give me their mobile numbers if i needed to talk to someone, and no less than 10 guys threaten to take a cricket bat to my ex’s head (and a number of ladies, actually).

And it didn’t stop there. It has been a tough year. Shit happened, and then it kept happening. I had dark moments and happy moments. But i knew that if i got on twitter and told them that i hated myself and felt like no one loved me and no one would love me, they would be there. Advice, comfort, inappropriate offers to grab my boobs. You name it, they were there.

Just a month ago i found myself laying in the dark at 1am crying, sobbing, with crashing thoughts that i was hideous and worthless and useless. I wrote something, not to anyone, not asking for help, just to get it out of my head, but there it came, out of the dark. Conversation. with real people with real emotions. Not a spambot, or a celebrity publicist, but people who had been through it, who felt the same, who told me that i was worth it, that they would miss me. Who talked to me for over an hour until i felt almost better. So don’t you dare tell me that Twitter is stupid, that it’s boring, that it’s useless

But what if you’re not a depressed person with self-esteem issues, why have twitter then? If i can give you one reason, let it be this: i’m a better person for having it. Better teacher, better informed, better read. More accepting, more tolerant, more aware.

Twitter gives me links and opinions that i wouldn’t have even thought existed. Politics. Feminism, Sexuality, Education Practices: all things twitter has enriched my life with. I think more deeply now, i see with a better eye because i share more photo’s than i would. I read more widely, both through links that people posted and sites that I came across through things mentioned in passing. I think beyond the little White-middleclass-female-teacher bubble that i had found myself. And it’s amazing. I look at things and think about the gender implications, or political, or body acceptance. I watch more news, i read more opinions. I might disagree with things, but i’m now more informed that at least i have an opinion, instead of being ignorant.

But even after that, after the support and information and experience, it’s still the people i come back for. That make the occasional frustration at the overreactions and exaggeration that my timeline can seemingly fill with.

I come back for people like @TomTheCub who is the most lovely human you can ever meet. Kind and sweet and the person responsible for my interest in trains and transport (and on that last point, @FlangeSquealer too. And also coz he’s FABULOUS).

Or i come back for the teachers inspiring me to keep going and to be better: @OK_Steph, @mikestuchbery @prestontowers @lhjh70     @velvetblaq (and teacher lover @PanickedAttack)

I come back for the interesting and very human people who probably don’t realise how much i really like and appreciate them:  @Oz_f, @tatterededges @emlypie @straffo  @cicolini @CAricHanley  @LaceySnr @miss_om @ZenPsycho @AdamJM (this list could go forever)

On top of those are the people who have no idea that i exist, but who inform me. (they don’t get @’s though as the list would go for even more ever than the last).

THESE are the reasons to be on Twitter. These are the reasons i love it, and even if my timeline wiggs out and has a little bit of an overreaction to something, or gets faux outraged over something and i want to take the hive mind out and shake it, i stop and remember that it’s allowed me to meet people who are amazing. people who educate and inform, who have opinions and ideas and do something about them. People who i think i might love, or could love.

People who care. That hit home a year ago, and hit home again this week.

So, Twitter and the beautiful people that exist within its crazy world. I thank you. Deeply.

On school chaplains

I’ve red a lot of anger in the last week or so about the school chaplaincy program, and I feel I need to wade into this debate with a different (maybe more experienced, maybe more biased) opinion. 

A few facts about me to start:
1. I teach in a government school in Victoria that has a school chaplain (and a nurse, and a whole team of welfare people).
2. I was raised Anglican but am not religious at all any more (although my mother still teaches RE in primary schools).
3. My cousin is also a chaplain in the Victorian government school that I attended as a kid (one of Bill Shortens “bush fire chaplains” actually) 

I think my perspective on this is a really different one to most people (or at least most Twitter people). What caused me to write this now, after all the anger this week, was this tweet “what if a gay student is depressed and the advice is “get cured by Jesus”” as well as a woman on what I think was the 7pm project, saying that “anyone can get kids to talk they need trained individuals to guide them, not chaplains”. I think these two things quite concisely summarise the oppositions to chaplains. That they are forcing god onto students and denying them access to trained counsellors. 

No. They’re not. Not from my experience anyway. If a depressed gay kid came to any of the chaplains I know it will be because this kid feels comfortable talking to that person and opening up about those things. None of the chaplains I know are going to even mention god. They’re going to listen, they’re going to report it to SWC (student welfare committee) and the school psychologist. They’re going to act in their role as an adult who is not an authoritarian figure and is just going to listen to them. Which for most kids is what they really need. The kids I know that respond most to the school chaplains are the ones that don’t have much of a father figure, who are beaten at home, who have no support network. They need someone to talk to who they feel isn’t going to try and tell them what to do. 

The kids at the schools of the two chaplains I know don’t even know that these people are religiously affiliated. They’re not talking about god. They’re not trying to change or heal the kids though religion, they’re listening, they’re supporting, they’re being someone else a kid can talk to. They’re working with kids at risk to identify problems they might have so they can be referred on to someone with more experience. They’re trained in restorative practices, circle time and restorative justice better than I am and they help run those programs. They get in guest speakers to talk about depression, and suicide and girls problems and boys problems though the greater network of welfare support that schools have. At the moment our school chaplain is getting a program called “One Ocean” up and running to target disengaged and uninterested boys from Tonga, Samoa and Maori New Zealanders, some of my schools new student intake and the mist likely to truant and not complete year 12. It will involve rugby, as well as making links between their culture and their new culture. 2x75 minute sessions over 8 weeks. My question is to people who say their should be trained counsellors instead of chaplains: could a counsellor do that? Would they? Having spent my weekend having counseling training as part of my Masters I know the counsellors I was learning from wouldn’t. They would just “refer them on”. But someone needs to be in school to run the program! (oh, and one of the student leaders in the One Ocean program? He’s been assessed by the psychologist, he’s seeing a counsellor but mainly, he has a shit home life and wants to talk to someone. And he seeks out our chaplain) 

Should schools have the choice to employ a Youth Worker instead of a chaplain? Yes, I think this is the best way to change the program, as the chaplains I know have also done training and qualifications in Youth Work. But I’ll also say this that I several of my fellow Masters students were Youth Workers and their qualifications are in teaching like mine. And they’re working with really disaffected youth. 

But I just think that people are hearing “god” “ministries” and “chaplains” and are reacting without first finding out the roles that these people play within a greater school community. Because, honestly, a whole lot more preaching about god comes from super religious teachers than it does from the chaplains