Becoming a runner

As much as my twitter user name tries to tell me differently, i am not SuperHot. I try occasionally, but mostly i'm SuperAverage with a dash of thunder thighs.  Term 2 was pretty shit. I was busy and stressed and i spent far too many nights writing reports and eating Roti bread. On the night before my reports were due i was tired and stressed and really needed a pick me up. What better pick me up than strange men telling me I'm pretty?! To the dating site i go! I picked OKCupid purely because everyone on twitter talked about it... I never intended to meet anyone or go on dates, it really was a superficial decision, i was stressed and that was it... 


But interestingly, i got some nice messages and started to take it more seriously. And then came the kicker of a question (which actually came from Date Boy in an initial conversation):
Besides work, what do you do? 


Oh. God. What do i do? Tweet? Go out to dinner with my friends? waste copious amounts of time online seemingly doing nothing? None of those are acceptable answers to that question, particularly when it was coming from someone who had just told me they run 7km three times a week, play pretty much any instrument and is thinking up taking up Ice Hockey. Knitting and lying around listening to music doesn't really compare, does it? So the thought 'maybe i should be exercising again' snuck into my brain. 


Once it was in there it forced me to take a more critical look at myself. I had put on weight, and if i'm blunt about it, i had gotten to the stage where i was heavier than i had been for quite a while, and definitely the heaviest I've been since I've had a set of scales handy. And while it's not heavy-heavy, it was heavier than i wanted to be. 


So i started C25K again (it's an app. look it up). I'd started it maybe three times and had never gotten beyond the 3rd week which was about 5 minute running intervals. Starting this time hurt, i think my fitness was worse than it had been before. The first run made me feel sick, my body ached and i wanted to cry.
But this time, i kept at it. And today i cracked 4km in less than half an hour. It took me 9 weeks to go from running 1.5 minutes and wanting to die and/or cry to focusing on pace time and getting under certain times. 


But the better thing than the weight loss or the PB's for running is how good i feel. Fitter, stronger, leaner, happier. I get to the end of a run and i can't stop smiling. I feel good for hours afterwards. I like that my body can accomplish things and that it can be strong and fit. The curves are leaner, my arse is firmer and naked i'm on my way to having a "runners body" (or so i'm told). It all just adds up to being a better, happier me. 


It's not always easy. I still put off runs, and when i realised last tuesday that i was so far away from hitting my goal of 5km by the end of this week, i was shattered. I felt like i failed not only myself, but all the people that i'd told that i'd be hitting this goal. Spent three days hating everything and it wasn't until i went out on my next run did i feel better about it. I know i'm slow, but i know i'll get faster. I just have to keep going, keep pushing myself to get the 4km quicker then move on to making the 5km faster. Be happy with the fact that i'm running and getting better at it and not hating it. 




So now, when people ask me what i do out side of work, i can add 'Run three times a week, i'm hoping to do a 5k fun run soon" 
That, from the girl who struggled through the Beep Test at High School, is something that makes me happier than any amount of weight loss. 

Only Sparrows

It's been a while since i've really, truly loved an album. I described it as falling 'whole soul' in love with it on twitter the other day, and i stand by that description. 
I've loved Josh Pyke since i first heard Middle of the Hill all those years ago, and all of his albums have been good, great even, but there's something about this one that has just captured me a bit more. I'm not sure why, i'm not sure why this album more than anything. it's just brilliant. 
Particularly i love Diet of worms ("i know we're not at the centre of anything circling, dark, cold... arrogant to think of us as anything but a happy coincidence...") and Punch in the Heart ("and i'd press you against the bonnet just to keep our heat"). Josh has always captured the spirit of summer in his songs, they always seem to shuffle into my ears when i am walking home in the sun after a day at work and they'd make me smile. Only Sparrows seems to have gone beyond that and etched itself into my brain all the time. I find myself itching for a spare period so i can go back to my office and put my headphones on and listen to the album from start to finish again and again. In order too, i don't want to shuffle it in with Boy and Bear or any of the other albums that i've liked recently. It's been headphones on, music loud, just lying there letting it be everything... A long time coming, a long time since an album has made me want to do that.


It's been some time since I've really loved songs like i love these songs. I really loved Adele, but i think for me her songs came a year too late for me to whole soul love them. Sure, i'll belt out Set Fire to the Rain, and the Islander kids in my year 8 classes have all heard me sing Rolling in the Deep, but they're good songs, not soul touching ones. Not for me. 


The other thing that Josh Pyke made me realise is how much i still like CD's and booklets and tangible music. I bought Eskimo Joe's album online and it came with a digital booklet. Something that i haven't looked at, same with Yellowcard's booklet when i bought that online. One of the first thing i did when i bought physically the CD was snap my headphones on and flick through the booklet of Pyke's album. Admired the artwork, read some lyrics. It makes the music experience different, better i think. Not that i could explain why it does either. 


I like music that i can get excited by. I like music that i can sit and listen to the whole album on repeat for days and days. Josh has given that to me in Only Sparrows, and for that i thank him. 

Music Listography 1: Cover Versions

Two weekends ago my friends and i made the wise decision to get a little tipsy and then go shopping. We are masters at the well thought out plan, obviously. It resulted in me in Typo buying a bunch of stuff i didn't really need, including this book which my friend Robyn described as "perfect for me." And she was right. I love listing music. I've been working on my top 30 of the 00's for several months and it's an arduous task when most of your musical growth occurred in that time...  So the book is pages and pages of list suggestions for me... Music that reminds me of lovers, road trip music, concerts, female singers, one hit wonders... It's all there. So instead of buying it and letting the (rather overpriced) book languish in my room I'm actually going to fill it in. And blog each of the lists too. I feel i should say this now though, i'm not a music snob. I like top 40 stuff sometimes as much as i like "indie" stuff. I like musicals, and acoustic versions, and lyrics... I feel my lists will be rather mainstream, and i'm really ok with that. So, on to list one.

Cover Versions

There is a Light: David Ford. Orignially by The Smiths

I discovered David Ford in 2005 when i was still living on campus at Monash. He writes, quite often, very sad songs. Lyrically, he's a bit like the Smiths. And i love him. I think i stumbled upon him after a write up in the paper, and his debut album 'Sorry for all the trouble i caused' with 'State of the Union' on it is brilliant. This song is not on the album, he posted it on his MySpace, and i think that's how i ended up with it. I didn't know it was a cover version for months. I don't really like The Smiths. Lyrically they might appeal to me, but i can't get past the music. Sorry to everyone, i feel this makes me a bad 20-something. I like this version for the simplicity of it. He convinces me...

From Such Great Heights: Iron and Wine (orignally by The Postal Service)

This version comes from the Garden State soundtrack, which also introduced me to The Shins, so i really should thank Zach Braff for that... Thanks Zach. I once got into a debate about whether a cover version of a song should be really different or more similar to the original. This is one of the ones that's very different from the original. And i love it. More earnest (are we sensing a theme...) Ben Folds (a master at the cover song) has also done a version of it, and it's far closer to the original....

In Between Days - Ben Folds (Originally by The Cure)
Speaking of Ben Folds, i quite like his version of In between days (second Cure cover for the list). I think what i've learnt from this is that i like less whiny versions of songs, or songs with singers with more typically "nice" voices. Not sure why... 

Time After Time - Eva Cassidy (Originally by Cyndi Lauper)
Another song i stumbled on through a Soundtrack (this time Smallville). Look, Cyndi is great, but again it's about slowing down and loving the song for the heart it has. And she gives it the time and space to breathe and have emotion. Plus, no nasally voice... 

Just Like Heaven - Gatsby's American Dream (originally by The Cure)
and:
I'm Real - The Starting Line (Originally by Jennifer Lopez)


Back in the summer of 2002/2003 i got into the car of my friend Clare. It was the summer between High School and Uni and she had just got her license so she'd drive us around a bit. Her car, her music. It is Clare i have to thank for introducing me to "Punk" of that era. Yellowcard, Millencolin, NOFX and the series of albums starting with 'Punk goes...' I couldn't narrow it down to one from these albums, it was hard enough to settle on two "punk" covers for this list... So something that was alternative to start with (From Punk Goes 80's) and something that at best is B-grade pop in the form of J-Lo. I think that's what makes The Starting Line cover so good, i think it actually turns I'm Real into a good song... 

Trouble - The String Quartet Tribute (Originally by Coldplay)


I debated this one. Are string Quartet versions of songs cover versions, technically? I don't know, but i've decided to go with yes. I'm an odd unit. I will tell you my favourite thing about music is the lyrics, but i also quite love a bit of classical in my life. I love movie scores, the best thing to write reports to are scores and classical music. So i love The String Quartet Tribute. In researching this list i discovered just how extensive their discography is! I'm currently sourcing a whole lot more now!

Flame Trees - Sarah Blasko (originally by Cold Chisel)
Yeah. So what. I like Sarah Blasko. I don't like Cold Chisel. I remember my dad once telling me that it made a whiny song whinier. Maybe he's right.... I do think it's odd that, as someone who generally prefers dude-singers to lady-singers, i like this one better...... Again, maybe it's the lack of nasally voice.... 

(I also love her version of Hey Ya!)


Fall at your Feet - Boy and Bear (originally by Crowded House)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm that person. I like this version, i heard it on JJJ during the hottest 100. I like it, and i like boy and bear, quite a lot. So i feel i need to put it in there. 

Bad Romance - 30 Seconds to Mars (Originally by Lady Gaga)
So, just like JJJ Like a Version is a source of covers for us here in Australia, BBC Live Lounge is a great source of cover versions too. This comes from that. I wanted to put Florence and the Machine's version of Halo by Beyonce, but to be honest, i don't like it that much. I wanted her to wow me and she didn't. But Adele is about to make it (take that @Oz_f) 


I like this version. Flashy and yet not as flashy as Gaga....

Black and Gold - Adele (Originally by Sam Sparrow)
So Adele is my latest lady crush. Her voice is lush and i love it. I love stripped down covers of songs, and this is good. I'll post her version of Cover me too, and you can see how that just sounds like the rest of her songs... I think this is why i like Black and Gold better too.....

Her version of Cover Me by Cheryl Cole....

Ok. So that's it. I got carried away a little, but we learnt that i like acoutic, non-whiny cover versions of songs...


You think i've missed something? Cover that everyone should have on their lists?


Oh, and to finish, not really covers, but two of my favourite TV/Movie moments that could almost be cover versions...
I will always love you - Lorelai Gilmore (originally Dolly Parton)(From Gilmore Girls, Season 7, episode 20: Lorelai? Lorelai?)

Can't take my eyes off you - Patrick Verona (Originally by Frankie Valli) (From 10 things i hate about you)

Excuse me Mr Joyce

Barnaby Joyce said his four daughters would be affected if same sex marriage

"We know that the best protection for those girls is that they get themselves into a secure relationship with a loving husband and I want that to happen for them."

Um. Excuse me Mr Joyce. Yes, can you see my hand raised? I have a question. It's a question that is being asked a lot at the moment, but i feel it's a legitimate one... What the fuck? Look, I know you're going to cop a lot for this, people will question how letting homosexual people get married will change your daughters chances of marriage. I'm not actually here to question you about that. 

I'm here to ask you if you would like me to quit my job? You see, Mr Joyce. I'm a teacher. I spend, and have spent the last 4 and a half years educating young women (and men) that they can be anything that they want to be. That they can achieve whatever they want to do, and there are no barriers in the way of their success other than the ones they put there. But there you are, telling my female students that their academic success doesn't matter so much because the best "protection" for them is marriage. Protection from what, may i ask? Poverty? Abuse? Illness? Because last time i checked it was education, not marriage, that protected women. Isn't that what the UN is trying to do? Raise the education level of girls, get them out of poverty, lower the already-too-high birthrate? Lower the chances of infant mortality? Education, Mr Joyce. Not marriage. 

But you probably don't want me educating your daughters anyway Mr Joyce. You see, I'm 26 and I'm not yet wed. Maybe i should quit my job and go on a husband, sorry, protector hunt. Get that security i really need. Not in the full-time stable employment i have now, but from a man. Because we all know they don't die, or leave, or become abusive. They're always supportive protectors right? I won't need this pesky thing i call a career when i get one of them to look after me. They live forever right? Or at least longer than me....

I just feel a bit sorry for your daughters Mr Joyce. That you don't value them as individuals. That you see marriage as being crucial to their lives. That as much as you tell them that you want them to get an education and a career it will still be secondary to their relationships with a member of the opposite sex... What if they revolutionise the way we treat diseases? Use stem cells to cure Parkinson's? Change someones life by being a nurse, or a teacher or a social worker? Aren't those things more valuable? Doesn't educating your daughters, and the daughters of all people, play a greater role in providing protection for not only themselves, but the people that they go on to educate play a bigger role in protection than a piece of paper joining them to one person for as long as they can take it?

Maybe you should consider that, Mr Joyce. 

Quote from: http://www.news.com.au/national/gay-marriage-should-be-ridiculed-says-independent-bob-katter/story-e6frfkvr-1226116097321#ixzz1VBMUNzlg

The Rules

At the height of the most stressful period of last term i found myself at home alone on a Saturday night, a bit sad, a lot stressed and in need of an outlet. Something to distract myself with, something that would be interesting and maybe a little ego stroking. I used that old fall back: Online dating. I'd joined online dating once before, when i was 21 and living in a houseful of girls and we were drunk one night. It had resulted in one date, where at the end of it he had told me that he couldn't be with me because i talked too much and that meant he wouldn't be the dominant one in the relationship and he needed to be. Right. 
It had also resulted in some hilarious opening letter and lots of (slightly creepy) guys telling me how pretty i am. Perfect distraction and stress relief right? 

So colour me utterly surprised that i appear to have met someone. At the same time that one of my close friends has also met someone, none the less. This is all happening at the same time that the Year 8 girls have appeared to have decided that boys are the kind of people that they might actually want to start spending time with instead of apart from, one girl in particular. 

She came to me yesterday and started to talk to me about boys, beginning  with "Miss, when it comes to guys they always..." (in this case it was they always make the first move). She then spent 20 minutes grilling me about the way that ALL guys MUST work and ALL relationships MUST work. It's this notion that there are rules to how these things work fascinate me. 
I like rules, i like order and plans. I think that's why it's interesting when people try to apply those rules to something that seemingly can't have rules attached to it. 


I'm also a girl brought up on a healthy (or rather unhealthy) diet of Cosmo magazines in my formative years who all seem to want to tell you how to do things, or how relationships work. The things you should do and say and the things you shouldn't.

No talking about ex's.
Not talking about being too successful (don't want to make him feel inadequate)
The odd ones about not using the bathroom at his place
When you should or shouldn't have sex with someone.
What every little thing he does means. Or doesn't mean.
How long between text messages is too long...
When they meet the friends/parents
When to have the "talks" of exclusivity, or relationship definition....


My god it's tired. No one a 13 year old wants me to tell her how these things work. She's be inundated with these ideas that things should work a certain way. God, it makes the over thinker in me want to collapse in exhaustion... I have to be conscious of all these things??? 




No. I don't. The one thing i realised i was doing when i joined OKCupid was being me. Was showing my whole self both in the profile pictures and in the Bio that i was writing. What's the point of downplaying something that is essentially very me? That's going to end badly later. I'm not going to try to be someone else for someone else. Maybe that's maturity speaking, i wasn't aware that i really had any of that. Maybe it's tiredness too. Being someone else, or trying to be different for someone else all the time gets tiring. So I'll just be me. Weird, nerdy, work focused me. 
Telling that to a Year 8 was interesting. They're too interested in getting him to stick around. They want the rules. That he will be weird and that will mean that he's interested. That when they ask them out it's because they like her and not because his friends convinced him it would be a hilarious joke to play on her (yeah, that happened this morning. To say she's upset is an understatement. You boys are jerks sometimes).
As much as Cosmo and the rest of them want us to buy into an idea that these things work in a particular way, and people have to behave a certain way, doesn't mean i have to. 
You like who you like, and if it's real then i think they might just make you a better version of yourself. I know i feel more confident in being me. That i don't have to be damaged or vulnerable, or quiet and passive. I can be the loud. I can smile broadly. 


Do you have Dating rules? are there things we should and shouldn't be doing? Schedule of events? No Kissing before brushing your teeth? 
I'm guessing not, right? We don't need them? We don't buy into the notion that human relationships should work, and always do work, in a partiular way, do we?

Getting off topic

For the second Xplore (fancy way of saying pastoral care) lesson in a row i've been discussing and exploring (ha ha ha) Cyber bullying and cyber safety with my Year 8's. I have a lovely group of 20 kids who are up for discussion and i'm happy we've finally got the seperate classroom space to be able to run these lessons the way they should be run. This also means that we get horribly off topic, but it a good way. Another Xplore teacher told me he had done this lesson in 30 minutes, i'm going on 150minutes and we're not done yet. 

And that's a good thing.

Yesterday we talked about the good of the internet. They talked about being able to communicate to other people and translate things they never would have been able to before. But also voiced concern about it's addictive nature and how socialising on the internet might not be actual socalising. That it's isolating at the same time because you're in your room talking to people that you think of as friends but can't hug you when you're upset.

These kids are 13. I don't give them enough credit sometimes. I thought the pro's were all going to be about games and free downloads and the cons about sexual predators. They were more insightful than that. (though there was liberal use of the term 'pedo' being thrown around).

I'd picked a video called 'Keeping Safe Online' and it was interesting to use as a springbox. I kept stopping it because i disagreed with the hard and fast rules that the woman was applying to online interaction. There seems to be this thing with cyber safety video's that leads me with the impression that there isn't a single good person on the internet; that they're all after my money or my body. All phishing or sexual predators. 

And that's a little sad for me. Yes, i get that it's safer to be discouraging kids from meeting strangers from the internet, but we should be emphaising the connections kids can make with like minded souls shouldn't we? As a twitter nerd, i've met a number of internet strangers and so far, none of them have been horrible people. They're actually incredibly lovely. Shouldn't we being having sessions about this? or about how to deal with the fall out of what to do if they are a bit unstable? It's like the idea that my students have that rape happens in a dark ally by a stranger. Shouldn't we be educating about the facts? Preparing kids about how to give consent, what consent is and when consent is breached? 

It comes down to my feelings that most people are good people. I like to think that we should be encouraging the niceness not the harm... 

The other interesting thing to come out of this was discussions about privacy on Facebook and as an odd segue the use of the word 'slut' and sexism when it comes to sexuality between the genders (and a small bit about the evolution of swear words. A kid wanted to know why they were chastised for saying 'cunt' and what it meant... that was interesting, none of them knew the literal meaning and we had a discussion about intent of words vs literal interpretations. Again, they're year 8). 

Like so many schools in Melbourne, last term we had a 'gossip' page on facebook spring up. The 'goss' all seemed to be focused around how 'slutty' girls were. The kids kept interjecting with tidbits about girls who had cheated, or had more than one boyfriend with a too short a space of each other. When challenged about why they use slut and why they think picking on a girl for drressing skimpily or having consensual sex with several people was appropriate, or worthy of judgement they were a little stumped. One girl said it was because girls were supposed to be 'nice' and that we had 'higher expecations for girls than guys.' I found that sad. That we hold girls on this pedestal and that we don't have high expexctations for boys. "guys are more horny" "girls are more emotional" "guys have penises that are different and girls are all the same" was an incredibly interesting judgement that i really had no comeback to, beyond questioning how that was linked. Challenging these ideas that kids have is hard, and i'm still figuring out how best to approach them in a class. 

I think the best thing i can take away is that this was healthy, frank discussion with kids. That they were having a say about Facebook and who should have access to it. That they demand the same privacy rights as adults, but need to understand that they need to be held responsible for them. That even if parents do have access to their facebook, and they do bully, who is to say the parents care? 

We're going on with it next week. I want to talk about sexting too. 

Man i love my job. Love it.

Am I Missing Out?

I was at dinner the other day with 5 friends, all female by-the-by, and the conversation turned to living overseas. 3 of the four others had done so in the last two years (Ireland and the UK) and the other had just decided that she was going to do it next year before it "got too late." As they chatted about Visas, temp vs permanent work, travel options while she was there, getting about Europe on trains Vs Buses, i drifted into silence. I had nothing to add. 
I haven't lived Overseas. And on top of that the way i've travelled is not the 'great backerpacker journey' that every young Australian seems to take.
I have seemingly missed that rite of passage. I went to Europe last year, but i did it with my mum and we stayed in hotels. Please don't read into that like i'm a douchey, privileged child who sponged of my mum the whole time. We both scrimped and saved to do it, and i chose to do it with her because all of my life (until she passed away last year) my grandmother always spoke about how she wished she had gone to Paris, and i know my mother had felt the same way. But having 6 kids, starting when your 22, and survining on a bakers income meant that she never had that opportunity. She'd never go alone and since dad had an accident and shattered the bones in his ankle, he would never be able to do the Europe trip she has always wanted to do. So we did it. And it was marvellous. Berlin, Prague, Salzburg, Rome, Paris, Londong, up the east coast of England to Scotland, Across from Edinburgh to Dublin and around Ireland. We had a lovely time. I caught up with many friends and now have a massive list of places i want to go back to and experience more of. 
But it wasn't what they had experienced. It was only a month to start off with, a taster of places. And i was in hotels, with plenty of money and nice places to stay. No stories of bed bugs or dodgy hostels. I have stories of 5m German Buffet breakfasts and French pastries for breakfast in a hotel in Monmarte.  

I didn't intentionally stay in Melbourne to build my career. I've never really thought of myself as "career focused." In teaching, those people bring visions of the people who have goals to be principal in 10 years.  Those annoying Gen Y grads who think they should be in leadership positions immediately and get indignant when they're not. I'm not like that. I'm still not even sure i want any kind of leadership position as i see how they take people out of the classroom and i don't really want to be out of the classroom. I spent quite a bit of time building my skills and understanding in that area, why throw it away to spend all that time dealing with paperwork? But i've stayed at the same job. I was going to earn enough and then go Overseas. I qualify for a UK grandparents Visa, and i have a teaching degree. Living and earning pounds would have been an easy thing to do. My best friend has been in Edinburgh pretty much solidly since 2006, my other best friends in the time since then. I wouldn't have been alone even. But i didn't go. 
Things came up. One boyfriend. Then another. Then kids i wanted to see graduate, or help through Year 12. And now i'm on the verge of turning 27, and have spent the last five years working full time, but am single and there is technically nothing holding me back. 


So why aren't i rushing to go? 
Maybe it's because i've always liked my life here. I love my job, almost every aspect about it. i love the innovative things we're doing and two of the work mates that left and came back still exclaim about how much they have missed by not being here, the planning and implementation of the new programs and the way they should run. 
I love my little flat in my lovely suburb. I've finally found a housemate that doesn't make being at home a chore or somewhere i want to be. At the end of next month all my closest friends will now be back in this state. 
My nephew is one and gorgeous... 


Are these excuses or legitimate reasons for staying? is this something one has to make excuses for not doing? It feels like i should, particularly as i don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband. You don't have one of them and i feel like i have no reason to have not lived overseas. 


Will i think it will be good for me? Yeah, i really do. Mostly. And i have craved the idea of going somewhere where no one knows me and i have no expectations to live up to. It's just me in a brand new, shiny city, waiting for me to make my impression on it. 


At the moment i've semi-settled on the idea of going at the end of 2012/start of 2013, as my first lot of Year 7's will have finished and i should have completed my Masters by then too, which hopefully make me more employable. But i've said stuff like that before, and things change... 


But i still don't know. Am i missing out? Should i feel bad for not going? Is it something i have to make excuses for?